I don't know how I feel about systems like that, to be honest. Where they'll expect obedience but abandon people when they need to, even if everything they did was just for the sake of the same system that used them....
This man is your idol, and he is your friend. Earning his praise makes you beam, and you feel like there’s a little sun inside your chest that gets brighter when he smiles at you. The teases feel friendly and comforting, as if they’re verbal hugs rather than anything malicious. You want to make him proud, and want to share every success with him.
This carefree laugh is your favorite in the world.
Your heart breaks worse with every passing gunshot.
. . .
Weeks after.
You’re sitting in the small apartment living room and sitting opposite you, there is an elderly woman wearing black. White flowers sit on the side tables, and you know that even though the funeral was weeks ago, they’re still grieving.
Your friend’s face still smiles in pictures around the house, and you keep thinking that maybe he’ll barge into the room suddenly with a laugh and a story. He won’t. Dead men tell no tales and all.
“We’re happy you came to see us, Enomoto-kun. Yuuta was so fond of you, after all,” the woman says, patting your knee with affection.
Despite everything that’s been weighing you down - a sense of dread curled around your throat like it will snap at any moment - you put on a smile for her. You hope it fits your face correctly. It’s hard when you can’t remember the last time you felt happy.
She doesn’t comment - so it must look fine.
“Yeah... Fuji-senpai was an inspiration to me, too. He always took good care of me.”
“Really…” Her tone is quiet, thoughtful. “He was saying that he felt like his junior kept surpassing him – you got promoted to Field Operations a while ago, didn’t you? He would tell us about that too… He said that he wanted to catch up to you.”
Your throat feels a little tighter. You manage the words -
“Up to – me?”
She nods in confirmation and doesn’t notice the way you feel like you’re coming apart.
“He was working so hard, trying to get his promotion… What he said was that he needed more accomplishments. He may have made a few missteps along the way – but how could he be condemned as evil when he only wanted to help….”
Few missteps.
Words flash before your eyes: Mistaken Arrests.
To catch up to - you. Stupid, reckless, lucky, breathing you.
The rest of the conversation passes in a daze - but you must have said the right things, must not have started screaming like you ache to. At the door, Yuuta Fuji’s mother sees you out.
“Take care, Enomoto-kun. I know… Yuuta would have been happy to know that you’re thinking of him.”
As she closes the door, you hear her sob from the other side - a muffled noise. She must’ve been holding in her grief too.
In the absence of her kind voice and sad eyes, you feel the weight of understanding and guilt settle on your shoulders like a shroud.
[ At first, he wanted to make fun of Mineo because senpai sure said Mineo sniffed things out like a dog—but the memory only gets worse. It keeps spiraling, but Gojou tries to keep his smile even through the heartache. It's a familiar one... He understands it, if even a piece.
Gojou isn't sure what to do here... He was never good at comforting people and all the "right words" don't seem right to him. He can't speak for this Yuuta and he doesn't want to—he believes no one can. No one has done it for him and, if they did, it... Never helped. It's something he has always believed. It doesn't help. People only need time, even when time stops for some in their anguish, and that's something he can't give them.
For Gojou, it feels like minutes have passed even though it has only been maybe three seconds. Then he gives Mineo a hug! ]
he pauses at that - surprised. a hug, huh. he's offered that to a few people here but.... to suddenly receive one... it melts some of the apprehension around his heart a little, even if the only noise that escapes him is a bit of a self-deprecating laugh. he lets his face fall against gojou's shoulder, hiding his expression]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
I don't know how I feel about systems like that, to be honest. Where they'll expect obedience but abandon people when they need to, even if everything they did was just for the sake of the same system that used them....
[just. a little bitterly.
also r u good for return memory, hei]
no subject
[ HE FINGERSGUNS because let him drop the GOOD NEWS. ]
It's getting better since I have a lot of say now that I'm an adult. The Gojou clan holds a lot of political power at the moment.
[ i am good with memory exchange let gojou get attached to mineo, the best boy in cxm. ]
[1/2]
[because boy howdy does he have some feelings on that!!
maybe that'll be obvious with the memshare tho - ]
no subject
This man is your idol, and he is your friend. Earning his praise makes you beam, and you feel like there’s a little sun inside your chest that gets brighter when he smiles at you. The teases feel friendly and comforting, as if they’re verbal hugs rather than anything malicious. You want to make him proud, and want to share every success with him.
This carefree laugh is your favorite in the world.
Months later.
A video. (16:40 - 17:35)
Your heart breaks worse with every passing gunshot.
Weeks after.
You’re sitting in the small apartment living room and sitting opposite you, there is an elderly woman wearing black. White flowers sit on the side tables, and you know that even though the funeral was weeks ago, they’re still grieving.
Your friend’s face still smiles in pictures around the house, and you keep thinking that maybe he’ll barge into the room suddenly with a laugh and a story. He won’t. Dead men tell no tales and all.
“We’re happy you came to see us, Enomoto-kun. Yuuta was so fond of you, after all,” the woman says, patting your knee with affection.
Despite everything that’s been weighing you down - a sense of dread curled around your throat like it will snap at any moment - you put on a smile for her. You hope it fits your face correctly. It’s hard when you can’t remember the last time you felt happy.
She doesn’t comment - so it must look fine.
“Yeah... Fuji-senpai was an inspiration to me, too. He always took good care of me.”
“Really…” Her tone is quiet, thoughtful. “He was saying that he felt like his junior kept surpassing him – you got promoted to Field Operations a while ago, didn’t you? He would tell us about that too… He said that he wanted to catch up to you.”
Your throat feels a little tighter. You manage the words -
“Up to – me?”
She nods in confirmation and doesn’t notice the way you feel like you’re coming apart.
“He was working so hard, trying to get his promotion… What he said was that he needed more accomplishments. He may have made a few missteps along the way – but how could he be condemned as evil when he only wanted to help….”
Few missteps.
Words flash before your eyes: Mistaken Arrests.
To catch up to - you. Stupid, reckless, lucky, breathing you.
The rest of the conversation passes in a daze - but you must have said the right things, must not have started screaming like you ache to. At the door, Yuuta Fuji’s mother sees you out.
“Take care, Enomoto-kun. I know… Yuuta would have been happy to know that you’re thinking of him.”
As she closes the door, you hear her sob from the other side - a muffled noise. She must’ve been holding in her grief too.
In the absence of her kind voice and sad eyes, you feel the weight of understanding and guilt settle on your shoulders like a shroud.
It was you. You killed your idol. ]
no subject
Gojou isn't sure what to do here... He was never good at comforting people and all the "right words" don't seem right to him. He can't speak for this Yuuta and he doesn't want to—he believes no one can. No one has done it for him and, if they did, it... Never helped. It's something he has always believed. It doesn't help. People only need time, even when time stops for some in their anguish, and that's something he can't give them.
For Gojou, it feels like minutes have passed even though it has only been maybe three seconds. Then he gives Mineo a hug! ]
no subject
he pauses at that - surprised. a hug, huh. he's offered that to a few people here but.... to suddenly receive one... it melts some of the apprehension around his heart a little, even if the only noise that escapes him is a bit of a self-deprecating laugh. he lets his face fall against gojou's shoulder, hiding his expression]
.... thanks.
no subject
[ He pats Mineo’s back and lets him stay here as long as he wants. Whenever he feels ready he can leave this embrace. ]
How are you living your life now? Like if you were back at home, not here.
no subject
.... I'm doing better here than I was back there.
[which.
is such an odd thing.]
.... but once I'm back, I plan on taking things more seriously.
no subject
But.
Gojou does think that’s fucking weird to say. ]
That kind of despair... It can really eat at you till you’re no longer yourself.
I’m glad that something here is helping you. Not sure what it is or how, but if it works? It works.
no subject
It's less that it's something here.... but I think I just got tired of the me that wasn't moving.
So now I'm moving.
no subject
The world does keep moving even if you don't, so welcome back.
[ ... ]
This curse effect thing really is exhausting. Do you want to get some food?
[ They can fade to black for a meal and we finish this. ]
no subject
... Yeah. Starved. Let's eat something delicious.
[to make up for the shared trauma]